me

I am working at building my self-esteem. Yes, I am confident professionally! I can outwork everyone in my team and department. I put in the extra work to ensure it is done more than well and I will work more hours. I am confident in my ability to get the job done exceedingly well. Most importantly, I enjoy what I do. In addition, I am a confident parent. Of course, I made mistakes, but I am still growing. I may event make a few more mistakes, but I believe, along with their father, that I nurtured 3 of the most amazing human beings. And this brings me joy.  

But I lack a little self-esteem personally along low body confidence. Most definitely, I am a work in progress. This may come as a shock to some people that know me, but I am somewhat shy and I dream more than I act. I have decided that this will no longer be who I am. While I have no problem speaking my mind noting obvious real-life issues, I fail at pursuing my goals in spite of the perceived risks and possible rejection. In addition, I also consider myself an influencer, although, I lack content and again confidence. So today, I decided to write even though I am in a rut.

I have also decided to build my confidence by taking more risks. I started with a personal goal. I stepped out on faith-took a risk-a week or so ago and did something in which I had no clue what the outcome would be. There is an outcome I hoped for, but was unsure if it would manifest. I did it anyway. Well the results were nothing like I hoped. And the emotions afterwards were so unexpected. In fact, it was worse than what I had hoped. But at least I took the first step and took the risk. This one step did not catapult me into a big bodacious confident Diva, but it did push me in the right direction-and in fact it was one huge leap. There is even some hurt and pain to go along with this risk I took, but I receive the rejection and now I am moving towards healing and moving past it.  

We use the saying that, ‘life is short’, but in reality, life can be long (I just laid my 98-year-old grandmother to rest). And so, whether I am here for a short while longer or until I am 98 (both my grandmothers lived to be in their 90’s), I desire to live life to the fullest. I would rather take the pain and rejection while living in the reality over living in the what if, or the things ‘hoped for’. I would rather ‘know’ than ‘guess’. I would rather sit in the moment of knowing my options while facing the choices, than live in fear.  

Therefore, I will continue to take risks, personally and professionally. I will not settle for less that I am worthy to receive. I will aggressively pursue what I want and deserve and I will strongly and confidently walk away from what does not serve me. I am willing to have my feelings hurt if it means I walk in my value. I would rather face many rejections knowing that I am moving closer to getting everything I desire. 

I am that I am! Love and Light to you all.  

Be You, Love You, Forgive You! 

~Bettina