what is dating?

Has anyone stopped to think about what dating will look like after Covid? Yes, I know there are dating sites that actually might work better now because of social distancing and shelter-in-place requirements. But I am asking a real ‘deep’ question, what will it really look like?

I began to ask this question after I had a recent experience on social media. You know Facebook has those groups. They are neither good or bad, they just exist. Well I was invited by a friend to join a group of single African Americans-insert deer in the headlight stare.

Let me just say, I am no longer in the group. I got out of that group so fast I didn’t have time to respond to the welcome message they sent on Facebook messenger.

So let me give you a little background. Two years ago, I wrote a blog explaining how I was saying NO to dating. In this blog I shared some revelations about how I wanted to set aside some time raise my children after I experienced a divorce. I felt the divorce was difficult enough for the younger two children, so I didn’t want to further complicate this blended family lifestyle by adding a mate.

Also, I wanted to take some time for myself. You see this time away was about me too. I wanted to get to know ‘me’ as a person while making myself a priority. Yes, I was and will always be a mother, but my babies were now adults and I was no longer active parenting. Hell, they were ‘grown’ and they wanted to make their own decisions anyway.

I even talked about putting myself first, growing and improving my life, oh and the infamous self care/love. So are you believing all the crap I’m slinging? Huh?

For real, when I wrote that blog, all of that stuff was real. I really felt every single word. I have grown a lot since that time and I am happy exactly where I am, but I am not complacent. But let me says this, I have had it up to my grey hairs in self care, I WANT OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

Online dating is just as murky and full of lemons as finding a used car in the classifieds. Once you learn the lingo, it’s easier to spot the models with high mileage and no warranty.” ~Laurie Perry

However, I am lazy! I am a lazy dater! AND I have no patience.

My closest girlfriend tells me I give up too easy. Well she also tells me I am too rigid…but you cannot believe everything people say. You see I had signed up for almost all of those dating sites. I have even paid money. But I would delete that account and run for the hills faster than roadrunner. Let me clear, I am not an advocate for meeting anyone in an online dating specific environment. I still believe connections are made face-to-face.

However, this time I thought I was ready to try something different. Even after I joined the Facebook group, I believed I was committed to being open to meeting someone in an online platform. NOPE After I was propositioned by two young men in their twenties, I ran for the hills again. Out…

I did learn a quick lesson while in the group for about 7 hours. I learned that I need to date intentionally just as I talked about in that blog. I also need to ensure that I am in an environment that eliminates certain deal breakers, like 28 year old young men. But what will intentional dating really look like after Covid?

When I re-committed to blogging, I told myself that I would not write a blog associated with Covid. But I have to acknowledge that Covid has changed life as we once knew it and it will be difficult to section it out from pieces of my life. And it seems it will be a big part of dating. So after recognizing this one fact, I decided to do this dating thing again. It certainly looks like Covid has made online dating the preferred dating method for right now. With video calling, it seems people are really connecting. All I know is Covid has screwed up my single date nights at the bar with a nice drink.

After some additional research, I did register on a dating site again. While it is one I have tried previously, I will not name the site today. I thought about keeping it a secret. But I am reminded that I cannot say I want to share to help others, but keep a significant element of ‘single empty nesting’ a secret. If my story helps someone else, I am here for share. Although, after a few hours, I was ready to run again. Yes I know, I have a few issues. I called my friend and told her that I signed up on the site again and that I was ready to cancel and run already. I thought she would cheer me on again and support me in deleting my account. She did not agree. In fact, she made me commit to 30 days. (insert rolling eyes)

5 days later, I am still with an active paid account. But I am still a little anxious. I am not sure why. I cannot say that I am looking forward to some wonderful connection. In fact, I don’t even believe it’ll work for me. Do know that I am keeping my word and keeping my membership for 30 days-25 days remaining. LOL

So if me sharing my issues around dating helps you realize that I am more crazy than you are, I am here for it. I will likely share my stories over the next 25 days-if there is anything to share at all. So I welcome you to keep in touch.