o I felt so empowered this morning as a began my day. I was able to get up early today as planned with a to-do list that I eagerly set out to conquer. I was feeling great too, because I was checking things off that list. Then…..
I signed onto Facebook. Now, there is nothing wrong with Facebook. But, for me, it is my ‘Shiny Object Syndrome (SOS)’. Now for those that don’t quite know what this is…..it is defined in an article written by, Kim Garst, ‘as the tendency for someone to get distracted by new thoughts and ideas, their own and others, and never focus or complete anything’. Garst, also notes that, SOS is a HUGE problem for entrepreneurs. Facebook is my SOS. Now, I have been improving my SOS with certain tasks, so I no longer fit in the category of ‘never’ completing things, but I have to strongly whip myself into gear when my SOS creeps in…..and it just happened, did you notice it? So back to the article.
So, I signed into Facebook. And after scaling my timeline, commenting on a few posts and ending up trolling a few friends’ timelines (yes I do that), I saw a very intriguing and relatable article. Now, I am about to admit something that I am sure NO ONE else does….I shared this article without reading it first. To my defense, the title sounded valid, “Strong Women Would Rather Be Alone Than Spend Their Time with Assholes”. No big issue right, especially since I normally receive very few likes or comments on my posts. I don’t post often. But after receiving a few, very nice and supportive comments, I immediately thought, I had better read this article.
And I did….
After reading the article over and over, at least 6 times, I felt it was incomplete and I wanted to add my two-cents.
Avoiding assholes, or knowing how to identify them, albeit a great skill, doesn’t simply deem a woman strong. Being strong neither means that I enjoy being alone and choose being alone over dating. Because, for me, enjoying being along and accepting that I am alone are two different things. To tell you the truth, I don’t like being alone at all. Although today, I choose it. However, I do believe being strong means that after identifying that I have encountered an asshole, I am choosing to avoid them and be alone, even though I don’t like it.
I do agree that, “when dating becomes selective rather than commonplace, it becomes more valuable and meaningful”. But the strength of a woman is not simply determined by her ability to pick out an asshole. I believe a woman’s strength is partly in her ability to make rational decisions and exercise discernment in spite of her interactions with assholes. Hell, if I was simply made strong by my determination that I needed to walk away from a relationship (with an asshole) that was not healthy for me, then why did I go through so much pain and expense while getting out of and over the relationship during the last seven years?
I also believe that choosing to spend your time alone in valuable and meaningful ways rather than bash your ‘singleness’ lifestyle is a huge characteristic of a strong woman. This example alone reeks maturity.
I feel strong when I meet a new suitor and I am not sizing him up as husband material but rather a friend for life.
I feel strong when I am spending time dating and not comparing the new suitor to the past behaviors of that asshole.
I feel strong when I can participate in self care routines, and pamper myself, even while I am in a relationship, because I choose not to allow myself to only feel happy at the expense of someone else.
I feel strong when I am able to firmly state my intentions and expectations in any relationship.
I also feel strong when I admit that sometimes I don’t like being alone….like during the holidays, or when you see others cherishing their significant others and spouses.
I feel strong when I can admit that sometimes I miss having that special person on the other end of the phone that truly wants to hear about my day or calls simply because they were thinking of me.
I feel strong even when I am not being asked on a date, but I will still go to the movies, dinner, museum or travel alone.
I really feel strong because I can truly admit that my biggest fear is that I may die before every feeling loved again.
So in reality, a strong woman can be afraid of being alone, but will certainly choose to be alone rather than spend time with an asshole.